


Feelings and the Confusion they Cause

by thewishingdragon



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Ace Lesbian Chandler, F/F, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, also Ace Martha, bc i want to explore that headcanon a bit more
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2019-06-21 15:58:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15561321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewishingdragon/pseuds/thewishingdragon
Summary: This one's short, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one's short, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Heather Chandler had always felt… odd, about the idea of sex.

It wasn’t an unpleasant idea, per se, but she never really found it to be as important as other people thought it was. Sure, it was necessary for reproduction, and people seemed to find it enjoyable, but she just never really understood why everyone cared so much about sex.

Still, she supposed it was just how she was, and didn’t think too much about it.

For a long time, she didn’t give her sexuality another thought.

But then she found herself noticing things. Namely, how she would find herself looking at a girl’s hair at the mall every now and then and wonder idly if it was as soft as it looked, or how she would listen intently whenever a pretty girl would talk to her.

It didn’t take her long to realize that she found herself thinking about how pretty girls were a lot more often than she would think anything about men. It was never in a sexual context, but she often found herself thinking about romance. The idea of romance in general was interesting to her, but she never found herself thinking of romantic relationships with men. Every time she thought of romance, it was with another girl.

That revelation was… shocking, to say the least.

So she tried not to think about it. And she did well enough.

Until she met Veronica, that is.

* * *

 

Veronica was, to put it simply,  _ exactly Heather’s type. _

Which was unfortunate, given the fact that this girl apparently had no actual fashion sense. Honestly, who in their right mind wore a scarf indoors in early September? It wasn’t even cold out yet! And was that a  _ monocle? _

But still, Heather would concede that Veronica was cute. She had deep brown eyes and wavy hair that she was certain would feel just as nice as it looked. She had nice cheekbones, a strong jaw, tan skin, and full lips that Heather had to force herself to look away from. And she was  _ tall, _ too. Heather had never seen such a tall girl before. Even though Heather was wearing heels, Veronica still towered over her.

Heather decided then and there that she had to get to know this girl. So, she offered her a makeover and a place in her clique alongside Heather and Heather.

Veronica beamed, and Chandler silently cursed herself.

If Veronica didn’t stop being so damned adorable, Chandler would be so royally screwed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally updated this one!

Veronica was odd compared to the Heathers.

She didn’t seem to enjoy a lot of the things they did. Not the ones that could get her in trouble, at least. She’d help them avoid detentions and classes they hated, but she wasn’t keen on participating when they would poke fun at another student or smoke in the bathrooms.

She seemed totally content to read books that were more dense and pretentious than the ones Duke read and write in her diary, and Heather knew she had an image to maintain, but if she didn’t she was sure she’d be sitting next to Veronica and reading over her shoulder just to be close to her. She wondered if Veronica liked girls, and if she did, would she like Heather?

She had no illusions about herself. She knew people found her attractive. She wouldn’t be the most popular girl in school otherwise. There wasn’t a shred of doubt in her mind that she looked good, but that wasn’t what really mattered. If Veronica knew her, really knew her, as a  _ person, _ would she like what she found?

What if she didn’t?

What if Heather fell in love?

What if Heather fell in love with Veronica, only to be strung along until her heart shattered?

Fuck. This was why she never let herself be vulnerable with people. Too many variables.

The less people knew, the less ammunition they had to hurt her.

Still, she itched to just be near Veronica. To talk about whatever common interests they had. Maybe go out to dinner or a movie, or go window shopping at the mall, or even just sit in a room together in silence.

For a few weeks after Veronica joined their clique, Heather found herself doodling on assignments, writing snippets of prose in the margins of her notebooks, and other little, inconsequential things. Two dark brown eyes on the back of her math homework, seemingly staring out of the paper and into Heather’s soul.  A few sentences about how pretty Veronica’s laugh was scrawled between bullet points in her chemistry notes. A series of mental reprimands, because she was getting in over her head for this girl when she didn’t even know if she had a chance.

No matter what she tried, though, she couldn’t stop her mind and heart from racing whenever they were near each other.

“Heather?”

She barely had the presence of mind to stop herself from jumping at the sound. The others were looking at her strangely. She figured she must have been staring off into space for a while.

“What?”

“Heather was thinking it might be fun for us to go to the mall after school,” Veronica explained, “What do you think?”

Heather nodded stiffly. “Yeah, sure, sounds fine.”

* * *

 

Hours later, the four sat in the food court of the mall, talking about anything that came to mind when the topic shifted to relationships.

“So, Veronica,” Duke drawled, “Got a crush on anyone?”

Veronica shrugged. “I mean, not at the moment.”

Mac pouted. “Why not?”

“I dunno, it’s just not really a priority, I guess.”

“Have you  _ ever _ had a crush on anyone?” Duke pressed.

“‘Course,” Veronica said, her voice dropping to a near whisper as she spoke, “Have you ever had that one friend that you just fell in love with a little bit? Not even for a big reason. Just, a friend that does this one little thing and suddenly you’re head over heels for them?”

“Nope,” Duke said.

Mac shook her head. “Me either. Sounds nice, though.”

Heather hesitated for just a second, before chiming in. “I think I have.”

Veronica’s eyes widened, her mouth stretching into a grin as she leaned in close. “Really?”

Heather nodded, trying hard not to show how nervous she was.

Veronica didn’t ask for a name, thankfully. Heather wasn’t sure she’d be able to lie if she had.

Duke’s eyes shone with intrigue. “You never told us you liked anyone.”

Heather frowned. “That’s because it’s none of your business.”

“Is it nice?” Mac asked.

Heather blinked. “What?”

“Being a little bit in love,” Mac said, “Is it nice?”

Chandler thought for a long moment, before letting out a sigh. “It’s… it’s great. Seeing them, when you look across the room and meet their eyes, and they smile at you for no reason, and when you get to be close to them and just exist in the same space, or when they talk about something they’re excited about and you get to just listen to them and watch how into it they get. It feels great.”

Veronica nodded, smiling wistfully into the distance. “Yeah. And when you just… think about them, without even meaning to, and just the idea of them is enough to make you smile.”

“Wow,” Mac whispered.

Duke hummed thoughtfully. “You two actually kinda make me want to fall in love one of these days.”

Veronica snickered. “Go for it. Just be careful. It stops being fun real quick if the other person doesn’t feel the same way.”

_ No kidding, _ Heather thought.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if you like! I love hearing from you! And please feel free to send me an ask at shanes-scribbles on tumblr!


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